Waterboarding my eye

I know it is a strange title. Patience little one I will explain that in a minute.
First though if someone could PLEASE tell me how to add the follow button I certainly will. Two people have figured it out now I just have too.. Feeling a little special right now!
On to today's topic
The experiences you go through in life make you who you are. For me in particular although many are rough, after the fact I find the humor in it. I can't help it. God had a sense of humor (and I believe He is also sarcastic) when he designed me.
I went in for my eye appointment to schedule surgery and do the normal jumping through hoops these Dr. require before placing me on the table of doom and torturing me for hours. (I truly believe my Dr's are sadistic.)
They took some pictures (about 100) to measure my lens and if I had not been blind to begin with by the time they were done with that nonsense I would have been. Nothing better than bright lights flashing over and over in your eye while someone tells you not to blink. At one point I almost yelled
"If I don't blink soon my eye is going to become jerky!"
After that lovely episode they take me back into the torture chamber and tell me to sit in the queen's chair. (REALLY?) I did the right thing and giggled at the prepubescent young man sitting in front of me.
Hiked my butt into the chair and waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally the same child comes in with a machine big enough to start a dead plane engine and says
"Sorry but your lens is so thick our new machines can't see through it."
"What is this new torture device?" I asked laughing at his shocked face
"Oh. Well it is kinda archaic but it is the only thing we can think of that might give us a proper measurement." the cherub answered sweetly
"Do you mind if I go get the others? No one has seen this work before and we should probably all know how to use it in case this ever happens again."
As usual I am the special case.
"No that is fine." I reply and to my husbands great horror "Bring in the clowns!" I exclaimed feeling quite friendly.
Had I known what was about to happen I would have put on my ninja suit, grabbed my ball and went home as inconspicuously as possible.
First they put some drops in my eye that I am pretty sure consisted of jalapeno juice and jet fuel. The burning was pretty intense.
"Are you ok?" The youngest child in the room asked
"Peachy. Let's get this party started. If that was a prelude to what is coming this is going to be amazing!" I growled at her little blond head.
Next, Something resembling one of my grandaughters anti air bottle filters was suction cupped on to my eye ball while the original teen age male working on me (and the only male in the room. He was showing off for all the pretty girls he brought in.) tells me to relax. It shouldn't hurt, he doesn't think it will anyway.
What? Are you serious?
"Just get it done" I answered losing my good humor.
He proceeded to waterboard my eye! I wish I was kidding but that is what happened. Fluid spouted from the tube attached to my eye ball and he moved the thing around telling me to look in different directions and follow his finger.
"You do know I am blind? Right? I mean before you decided to use the ultimate torture you read my chart?" I asked seriously feeling like my eye was drowning. Panic was taking over. What if this fluid went into my mouth? Would he stop flirting long enough to realize I can't swim? Would he turn the blasted machine off?
"Please stop moving.. Okay just looked to the left. Good. Now to the right..."
"Are you almost done?" I asked tears mixing with the fluid and only making my situation worse.
"Do you need a break?' he asked finally paying attention to my distress
"No just hurry up. We still have to do the other one right?" I growled trying to contain the urge to bight his chubby little hand that was so close to my mouth.
"Um yes."
After the first eye was done they did my better eye. It was a little less traumatic.
This is when I figured out why they cover the faces of the people they water board. If you can't see it coming it is terrifying. When you can see it coming it is just scary.
Anyway they finally got all the stinking measurements they needed. As the girls exited the room one said sweetly
"Thank you for letting us watch.."
Without thinking it through I spouted back.
"Well, I'm glad I could help teach you to torture people. We should do this again sometime. You people know how to throw a party!"
I have never seen five people high tail it out of the room so quickly.
I know I should not have taken it out on them. It wasn't there fault. Seriously though with all the Ipads Ipods and everything else you would think they could figure out how to make a less traumatic machine.
Again if anyone can please tell me how to add my follow button I would appreciate it and I promise not to yell at you. :)