A couple of days ago while walking with my kids my son mentioned that I was over 40 now then began singing at the top of his lungs
"OOOOH your half way there..." I took a swing at him and we laughed as seems to always be the case when we are together. Later though I started thinking about what that little twerp had said. Am I? Half way there I mean. Have I reached that point in my life where I can actually say I am half way through it?
I have not done much with my life by most peoples standards. Oh sure I do some charity work and I am written a few things that have been published but what else have I done? I go through life picking up the pieces of everyone elses disasters, as all mom's do, but have I really done anything that when the day comes people will remember me? I know that is such a typical question, but for me it was a bit of a slap in the face. I've disconnected of late. To much sorrow in my surroundings for me to actually want to deal with it.
Before you scold let me explain. One of my best friends has cancer, as well as one of my uncles. My brothers health is declining as we have previously discussed, my health sucks, my kids are getting ready to move away, which is normal. My Aunt has not one but two auto immune disorders that are devastating her body. My grandparents are not in the best of health, and my mother in law just had a heart attack, well technically she had one last month and didn't tell anyone or go to the doctor and is now in and out of the hospital suffering the consequences of her inattention to her health.
You may think I should just move on. Shake it off. But it's a lot for me. I didn't even mention all of it because I can't. Am I depressed? No. I don't think so. I think I am trying to cope and figure things out. However, if I'm half way there, maybe I should stop trying to figure things out and start trying to do something productive. That is where my brain is right now. Please forgive any lapse of time and communication. I may be slightly mentally challenged at this point.
We were just talking along these lines last night. My dear niece, who is 32, said "it is what it is, just get on with life." And so we do.
ReplyDeleteThat's enough to depress most people, but you are not most people. It may not seem like much, but I am sure you have and will continue to touch many lives who in turn will touch many lives who...
ReplyDeleteWe all can't cure cancer, but cumulatively we can make the world better.
PS- Half way? Smack that kid!
I know what you're going through. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, it's depressing. I don't see the cheerleader from high school staring back at me any more and it sucks. Of course, I try to remind myself that some people don't live for 40 years, (or in my case, 47), so getting older is a blessing. Now, with that said, I still like Joeh's idea, smack him... lol... :)
ReplyDeleteIf you're halfway there at 40, then I'm through (at 80) & I'M NOT THROUGH YET!!
ReplyDeleteForties are tough...you feel like you are half way "there" and it is a bit scary. By the time you get close to or into your fifties, you are confident enough that you don't give a $#!% about age any more and all is well again. And yes, smack him. :-)
ReplyDeleteI may admit that I haven't done much with my life either
ReplyDeletebut it's been a happy one for the most part
perhaps its selfish to want a happy life, but I don't feel the need to do something great with my life
that's not to say I don't want to change the world but the compulsions are different on what drives me
Well, I have not done much with my life by most people's standards either. Do you think it really matters in the greater scheme of things? Being half-way (we think) is so depressing, is what that is.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather be healthy than rich. It took me only 44 years to come to that conclusion....
Knock knock.
DeleteStopping by to wish you a happier new year. 2014 sucked big time.
DeleteSo sorry to read about all of your family's illnesses. That's a lot to deal with. My son kids with me all the time about getting older. Apparently the few gray hairs I have are a nuisance!
ReplyDeleteThat is a lot to deal with. So many of your family members are suffering from ailments. Take it from an old timer, the fact that you are able to do the regular day to day activities is enough to spend the hours in the day. Keeping your family is more important than doing any of those" significant things" people talk about. So, you are fine. Take care of your health and if you have any spare moment may be then you can do some thing for others as well.
ReplyDeleteI think if you have successfully raised children who are kind (half way comment notwithstanding lol) and good people then you have accomplished something very important. Hang in there and keep talking about it if that helps. It is actually a relief to not have to pretend life is perfect or even just okay... Especially when it is so so far from okay. *hugs*
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