A couple of days ago while walking with my kids my son mentioned that I was over 40 now then began singing at the top of his lungs
"OOOOH your half way there..." I took a swing at him and we laughed as seems to always be the case when we are together. Later though I started thinking about what that little twerp had said. Am I? Half way there I mean. Have I reached that point in my life where I can actually say I am half way through it?
I have not done much with my life by most peoples standards. Oh sure I do some charity work and I am written a few things that have been published but what else have I done? I go through life picking up the pieces of everyone elses disasters, as all mom's do, but have I really done anything that when the day comes people will remember me? I know that is such a typical question, but for me it was a bit of a slap in the face. I've disconnected of late. To much sorrow in my surroundings for me to actually want to deal with it.
Before you scold let me explain. One of my best friends has cancer, as well as one of my uncles. My brothers health is declining as we have previously discussed, my health sucks, my kids are getting ready to move away, which is normal. My Aunt has not one but two auto immune disorders that are devastating her body. My grandparents are not in the best of health, and my mother in law just had a heart attack, well technically she had one last month and didn't tell anyone or go to the doctor and is now in and out of the hospital suffering the consequences of her inattention to her health.
You may think I should just move on. Shake it off. But it's a lot for me. I didn't even mention all of it because I can't. Am I depressed? No. I don't think so. I think I am trying to cope and figure things out. However, if I'm half way there, maybe I should stop trying to figure things out and start trying to do something productive. That is where my brain is right now. Please forgive any lapse of time and communication. I may be slightly mentally challenged at this point.