Sorry for the delay. My mother in law did pass on Wednesday and it has been a rough go of it. I'm emotionally drained as I try and keep everyone calm and yet letting them deal with their emotions.
I have never been good with death. I don't know what to say or how to act. I don't think anything you can say or do takes away the pain and sorrow. It's crushing, suffocating, and over all the worst loss anyone can go through.
Meanwhile, I have not been able to grieve myself. It sounds odd but I need to. She was an amazing woman and the best mother in law I could ask for. She didn't get in our business or try to tell us what to do. She just listened and offered a shoulder. She never spoke harshly of others, even when they did her wrong.
Yesterday we had a get together with the family. We had lunch then everyone sat around and talked. Except for myself and one of my sister in laws. The two of us went to work on her garden and flowers. I trimmed and tied roses, when we cleaned out flower beds and pulled weeds. She has more plants than a nursery so we had to be careful we didn't pull flowers.
It might seem an odd thing to do but had she been with us that is what she would have been doing, and so we felt it was our way of honoring her.
When we finished, we looked at each other and smiled. It just felt right.
Anyway I will get back to all of you. Thank you for staying around although I am a horrible blogger friend.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
It's my Happy Anniversary.
Hi everyone.
Sorry I have not come to visit you yet. I will very soon. Hearing from all of you was so great. I feel like I have been separated from the world for far to long.
I've had some stuff this week. My mother in law is in the hospital with pneumonia. Apparently pneumonia is determined to take someone in our family.
She is not doing well and yesterday she wrote goodbye on her note pad. She cannot speak as she is intubated with oxygen and a feeding tube. If you are a prayer person we would appreciated your prayers.
As for the rest I am doing much better and should be back to my old self quickly. I have lost 12 of the 16 pounds I had gained via fluids and I don't feel like such a blob now. I can actually wear something other than sweat pants and I can now taste my food, although everything taste different right now.
Today is a special day as we are celebrating my 8th anniversary. For some of you 8 years of marriage is a very short amount of time. For others you are just starting down this road in life. Either way today is our day to celebrate. It's a great day because I'm alive to celebrate it with the best man in the world. It's a great day because I'm well enough to watch my little grand daughters, and it's a great day because through all the things I've been through in the close to last decade, my best friend has been along for the ride.
I can't picture life without him.
I think I will start posting on Fridays and maybe Saturdays as that is my time off. Trying to write with a 1 year old that wants to
"Hep" is difficult. haha
So for today I just wanted to update you and tell you, I am back. I will come visit soon, and best of all I'm excited to see what you are all up too. :)
Sorry I have not come to visit you yet. I will very soon. Hearing from all of you was so great. I feel like I have been separated from the world for far to long.
I've had some stuff this week. My mother in law is in the hospital with pneumonia. Apparently pneumonia is determined to take someone in our family.
She is not doing well and yesterday she wrote goodbye on her note pad. She cannot speak as she is intubated with oxygen and a feeding tube. If you are a prayer person we would appreciated your prayers.
As for the rest I am doing much better and should be back to my old self quickly. I have lost 12 of the 16 pounds I had gained via fluids and I don't feel like such a blob now. I can actually wear something other than sweat pants and I can now taste my food, although everything taste different right now.
Today is a special day as we are celebrating my 8th anniversary. For some of you 8 years of marriage is a very short amount of time. For others you are just starting down this road in life. Either way today is our day to celebrate. It's a great day because I'm alive to celebrate it with the best man in the world. It's a great day because I'm well enough to watch my little grand daughters, and it's a great day because through all the things I've been through in the close to last decade, my best friend has been along for the ride.
I can't picture life without him.
I think I will start posting on Fridays and maybe Saturdays as that is my time off. Trying to write with a 1 year old that wants to
"Hep" is difficult. haha
So for today I just wanted to update you and tell you, I am back. I will come visit soon, and best of all I'm excited to see what you are all up too. :)
Thursday, March 19, 2015
It was time to say goodbye or so we thought.
Continuing from my last post, I left off with us heading to the hospital.
By the time we got there I knew I wouldn't be able to walk. I couldn't talk and my breathing was so loud it was scaring the babies.
Meg rushed in and got a nurse with a wheel chair. I was so embarrassed. They carted me in and from then on everything was a blur.
I remember them telling me to try and slow my breathing but that it hurt so bad not only to breathe but for my heart to beat.
My blood pressure was to low and my blood sugar was to high. So high in fact that they couldn't get it to register on the machine and had to send it down to the lab. When it came back it was at 652 or around there. A normal blood sugar is 80 to 120. I was in trouble. My heart was giving out, as were my kidneys.
Pretty soon I found myself with Iv's in both arms and a phlobotomist, not sure on the spelling here, telling me they were going to do an arterial blood gas. What that equates to is them pulling blood directly from my artery. I've had it done before and knew what to expect. You can't move at all even though it hurts like hell because if you do they can cut your artery and you can bleed out very quickly. I just remember the minute my husband walked in the room. I knew it would be ok. The nurses later told me that as soon as he came in my breathing eased and that they knew he was my husband or at the very least someone very important to me. I don't remember much. Just bits and pieces, and the things I was told afterwards. I had to have a central line put in. That is a type of Iv they put in your jugular that runs down to your heart. The advantage is that they can administer meds directly to your heart from one stint while pulling blood from another. I remember that hurt. Bad.
God was good to me. I almost died and from all accounts I should have, but I was only there for two days. The reason for all this madness? Two things. One, we discovered that my insulin pump needle had not gone into my arm but instead had bent on contact and so I had not been receiving any insulin for over 24 hours. Secondly, I had been on Chantix for about 3 weeks. In one in thousands of people Chantix can affect the heart and kidneys, which in turn can mess with your blood sugars.
I also had to have my potassium, calcium, and magnesium brought back up as this apparently washed them out.
Now the remaining affect is that in those two days, while I was not eating anything, I gained 14 pounds, hopefully fluids that will flush out. I can't wear any of my clothes. Very annoying. The swelling hurts horribly but at least I'm alive and my food taste like saw dust. Not sure why but it does. Also I am having a hard time eating as I seem to never be hungry. This would work out great if it meant I was losing weight but unfortunately it's not happening. To give you an idea I went from weighing 128 pounds to 142. So I'm doing what I hate and running around in sweat pants.
However, I have decided its time to take a little time and do what I love and that is to write again.
Next week I start watching my grandbabies again and I can't wait, but I still need to find time to write. So there you have it my friends. I'm still alive. I've just been a slacker. Please forgive the absence. Big hugs to all.
By the time we got there I knew I wouldn't be able to walk. I couldn't talk and my breathing was so loud it was scaring the babies.
Meg rushed in and got a nurse with a wheel chair. I was so embarrassed. They carted me in and from then on everything was a blur.
I remember them telling me to try and slow my breathing but that it hurt so bad not only to breathe but for my heart to beat.
My blood pressure was to low and my blood sugar was to high. So high in fact that they couldn't get it to register on the machine and had to send it down to the lab. When it came back it was at 652 or around there. A normal blood sugar is 80 to 120. I was in trouble. My heart was giving out, as were my kidneys.
Pretty soon I found myself with Iv's in both arms and a phlobotomist, not sure on the spelling here, telling me they were going to do an arterial blood gas. What that equates to is them pulling blood directly from my artery. I've had it done before and knew what to expect. You can't move at all even though it hurts like hell because if you do they can cut your artery and you can bleed out very quickly. I just remember the minute my husband walked in the room. I knew it would be ok. The nurses later told me that as soon as he came in my breathing eased and that they knew he was my husband or at the very least someone very important to me. I don't remember much. Just bits and pieces, and the things I was told afterwards. I had to have a central line put in. That is a type of Iv they put in your jugular that runs down to your heart. The advantage is that they can administer meds directly to your heart from one stint while pulling blood from another. I remember that hurt. Bad.
God was good to me. I almost died and from all accounts I should have, but I was only there for two days. The reason for all this madness? Two things. One, we discovered that my insulin pump needle had not gone into my arm but instead had bent on contact and so I had not been receiving any insulin for over 24 hours. Secondly, I had been on Chantix for about 3 weeks. In one in thousands of people Chantix can affect the heart and kidneys, which in turn can mess with your blood sugars.
I also had to have my potassium, calcium, and magnesium brought back up as this apparently washed them out.
Now the remaining affect is that in those two days, while I was not eating anything, I gained 14 pounds, hopefully fluids that will flush out. I can't wear any of my clothes. Very annoying. The swelling hurts horribly but at least I'm alive and my food taste like saw dust. Not sure why but it does. Also I am having a hard time eating as I seem to never be hungry. This would work out great if it meant I was losing weight but unfortunately it's not happening. To give you an idea I went from weighing 128 pounds to 142. So I'm doing what I hate and running around in sweat pants.
However, I have decided its time to take a little time and do what I love and that is to write again.
Next week I start watching my grandbabies again and I can't wait, but I still need to find time to write. So there you have it my friends. I'm still alive. I've just been a slacker. Please forgive the absence. Big hugs to all.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Its been a minute
Hi everyone!
Sorry it has taken so long to get back on here. I have had a lot going on so this is going to be a bit newsy and hopefully I will be able to continue writing more regularly.
Last I wrote I had a lot going on and nothing has changed.
I had several more surgeries on the old eye and see a bit better. I'm wearing glasses now which is an improvement in and of itself. Also we had been very concerned about my daughter as she continued to lose weight everywhere but in her stomach and every pregnancy test was negative and her cycle was regular. We were afraid she had another cyst or tumor in her abdomen. We finally talked her into going to the doctor in November and the doctors agreed something was very wrong. They scheduled an ultrasound and when we went in my world changed, as did hers.
The doctor informed us that she was pregnant, and asked us if we wanted to guess on the due date.
Meaghan and I sat there dumb founded for a minute. She just kept shaking her head and I started doing some quick math. I spouted out
"UM Febuary?"
The doctored smiled and said
"Nope. She can come tomorrow."
I about died. We had just donated all of my other granddaughters baby things.
"No. She can't come tomorrow. Can she stay in there a bit longer?" I asked totally panicked.
The doctor laughed and said she could stay in there as long as she wanted to stay in there. Fortunately, Autumn Rose was quite comfy where she was and stayed all weekend giving us three days to gather everything we could. It was a hectic weekend for sure. We did it and she came out a healthy 8.4 ounce baby with enough hair to make a wig out of. So now there were 7 people living in our tiny little house. Of course that couldn't work as Meaghan and the girls were all cramped into a small bedroom so we had to get her a place. The father of the girls, yes same lazy no good daddy for both, decided he didn't want the responsibility and has not helped out with anything to date. If I could drive I might beat him to death. Anyway, I started babysitting a 1 year old and an infant. Not much time to breathe much less write.
This week however, things changed. On Wednesday of last week I woke up and my chest hurt. After getting everyone off to school and work the girls and I played but the pain grew more intense.
I put them both down for a nap and called my husband to tell him something was wrong. My blood sugars were so high they were not even registering on my monitor and I couldn't get them down. He made arrangements to come home from work and I called my daughter. While she came back to get the girls I called a neighbor to come sit with me in case the girls woke up.
When the neighbor arrived we sat there for a minute when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I used my inhaler but nothing was working. My daughter got there and rushed me to the hospital at this point, where my husband was to meet up with us.
I'll finish this in another post as this is turning into a book. Here's a picture of the babies to hold you over though. Hope everyone is doing well.
Sorry it has taken so long to get back on here. I have had a lot going on so this is going to be a bit newsy and hopefully I will be able to continue writing more regularly.
Last I wrote I had a lot going on and nothing has changed.
I had several more surgeries on the old eye and see a bit better. I'm wearing glasses now which is an improvement in and of itself. Also we had been very concerned about my daughter as she continued to lose weight everywhere but in her stomach and every pregnancy test was negative and her cycle was regular. We were afraid she had another cyst or tumor in her abdomen. We finally talked her into going to the doctor in November and the doctors agreed something was very wrong. They scheduled an ultrasound and when we went in my world changed, as did hers.
The doctor informed us that she was pregnant, and asked us if we wanted to guess on the due date.
Meaghan and I sat there dumb founded for a minute. She just kept shaking her head and I started doing some quick math. I spouted out
"UM Febuary?"
The doctored smiled and said
"Nope. She can come tomorrow."
I about died. We had just donated all of my other granddaughters baby things.
"No. She can't come tomorrow. Can she stay in there a bit longer?" I asked totally panicked.
The doctor laughed and said she could stay in there as long as she wanted to stay in there. Fortunately, Autumn Rose was quite comfy where she was and stayed all weekend giving us three days to gather everything we could. It was a hectic weekend for sure. We did it and she came out a healthy 8.4 ounce baby with enough hair to make a wig out of. So now there were 7 people living in our tiny little house. Of course that couldn't work as Meaghan and the girls were all cramped into a small bedroom so we had to get her a place. The father of the girls, yes same lazy no good daddy for both, decided he didn't want the responsibility and has not helped out with anything to date. If I could drive I might beat him to death. Anyway, I started babysitting a 1 year old and an infant. Not much time to breathe much less write.
This week however, things changed. On Wednesday of last week I woke up and my chest hurt. After getting everyone off to school and work the girls and I played but the pain grew more intense.
I put them both down for a nap and called my husband to tell him something was wrong. My blood sugars were so high they were not even registering on my monitor and I couldn't get them down. He made arrangements to come home from work and I called my daughter. While she came back to get the girls I called a neighbor to come sit with me in case the girls woke up.
When the neighbor arrived we sat there for a minute when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I used my inhaler but nothing was working. My daughter got there and rushed me to the hospital at this point, where my husband was to meet up with us.
I'll finish this in another post as this is turning into a book. Here's a picture of the babies to hold you over though. Hope everyone is doing well.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Slightly mentally challenged.
A couple of days ago while walking with my kids my son mentioned that I was over 40 now then began singing at the top of his lungs
"OOOOH your half way there..." I took a swing at him and we laughed as seems to always be the case when we are together. Later though I started thinking about what that little twerp had said. Am I? Half way there I mean. Have I reached that point in my life where I can actually say I am half way through it?
I have not done much with my life by most peoples standards. Oh sure I do some charity work and I am written a few things that have been published but what else have I done? I go through life picking up the pieces of everyone elses disasters, as all mom's do, but have I really done anything that when the day comes people will remember me? I know that is such a typical question, but for me it was a bit of a slap in the face. I've disconnected of late. To much sorrow in my surroundings for me to actually want to deal with it.
Before you scold let me explain. One of my best friends has cancer, as well as one of my uncles. My brothers health is declining as we have previously discussed, my health sucks, my kids are getting ready to move away, which is normal. My Aunt has not one but two auto immune disorders that are devastating her body. My grandparents are not in the best of health, and my mother in law just had a heart attack, well technically she had one last month and didn't tell anyone or go to the doctor and is now in and out of the hospital suffering the consequences of her inattention to her health.
You may think I should just move on. Shake it off. But it's a lot for me. I didn't even mention all of it because I can't. Am I depressed? No. I don't think so. I think I am trying to cope and figure things out. However, if I'm half way there, maybe I should stop trying to figure things out and start trying to do something productive. That is where my brain is right now. Please forgive any lapse of time and communication. I may be slightly mentally challenged at this point.
"OOOOH your half way there..." I took a swing at him and we laughed as seems to always be the case when we are together. Later though I started thinking about what that little twerp had said. Am I? Half way there I mean. Have I reached that point in my life where I can actually say I am half way through it?
I have not done much with my life by most peoples standards. Oh sure I do some charity work and I am written a few things that have been published but what else have I done? I go through life picking up the pieces of everyone elses disasters, as all mom's do, but have I really done anything that when the day comes people will remember me? I know that is such a typical question, but for me it was a bit of a slap in the face. I've disconnected of late. To much sorrow in my surroundings for me to actually want to deal with it.
Before you scold let me explain. One of my best friends has cancer, as well as one of my uncles. My brothers health is declining as we have previously discussed, my health sucks, my kids are getting ready to move away, which is normal. My Aunt has not one but two auto immune disorders that are devastating her body. My grandparents are not in the best of health, and my mother in law just had a heart attack, well technically she had one last month and didn't tell anyone or go to the doctor and is now in and out of the hospital suffering the consequences of her inattention to her health.
You may think I should just move on. Shake it off. But it's a lot for me. I didn't even mention all of it because I can't. Am I depressed? No. I don't think so. I think I am trying to cope and figure things out. However, if I'm half way there, maybe I should stop trying to figure things out and start trying to do something productive. That is where my brain is right now. Please forgive any lapse of time and communication. I may be slightly mentally challenged at this point.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Another Wonder Woman story
Time is always of an essence it seems. However, most people do not take into consideration other peoples time. Just the time that affects them. Here is what brought me to this philosophical thinking. (I know. Big words.)
The other day I went to the store, I won't name the store but I will say they have a whole sight called "People of W..." I'm sure you can figure it out.
I basically needed just a few items. Some melatonin, fruit, and one other thing that I forget. Anyway, as I hurried along to find the melatonine, I realized that there were boxes piled up in front of it. I had to decide which way to move the boxes, hoping that I picked the side where it was hidden. I didn't. I had to move all the boxes back the other way and grab it, then replacing the boxes. Next, I go to grab fruit.
This lady and her husband decided to stop and have a debate about which way they should go, meanwhile blocking the entire aisle. I navigated down another aisle to by pass them. As I get to the register I notice that the same couple, where in front of me.
The woman is holding a Wonder Woman halloween costume. No big deal except that it was tiny and she was... fluffy. The gentleman in front of them had exactly three items. Three things of salsa which he was arguing with the cashier about. He said another store had them three for 5. My first thought was...
"Why didn't you go there then." I shut my mouth tight as sometimes my thoughts come flying out of my mouth without my knowing it. There we stood waiting for her to take care of his stupid salsa, and he just wouldn't shut up. The lady behind me groaned and I followed suit.
Now it is Wonder Woman's turn. The cashier looks at the costume the at the woman and says
"Is this for you?" Wonder Woman's husband groans and does the international wave of hands that means
"Do you have a death wish woman? NOOOO!"
Wonder Woman flies into a rage.
"Why are you saying I'm to fat to wear this? It's my size!" She yells. The husbands head is now buried in his hands. The lady behind me snorts and I hear her mumble
"It's not even my size. Is she on crack?" I turn and look at the woman who was indeed half of Wonder Woman's size and I start giggling.
I couldn't help it. She started giggling. Thankfully the lady in front of me didn't hear us. Pretty sure we would have gotten beaten down. Needless to say I stood in a line with two people in front of me each having a total between them of 4 items and it took me almost 25 minutes.
I was thankful for the commentaries from the lady behind me though. She was a God send.
The other day I went to the store, I won't name the store but I will say they have a whole sight called "People of W..." I'm sure you can figure it out.
I basically needed just a few items. Some melatonin, fruit, and one other thing that I forget. Anyway, as I hurried along to find the melatonine, I realized that there were boxes piled up in front of it. I had to decide which way to move the boxes, hoping that I picked the side where it was hidden. I didn't. I had to move all the boxes back the other way and grab it, then replacing the boxes. Next, I go to grab fruit.
This lady and her husband decided to stop and have a debate about which way they should go, meanwhile blocking the entire aisle. I navigated down another aisle to by pass them. As I get to the register I notice that the same couple, where in front of me.
The woman is holding a Wonder Woman halloween costume. No big deal except that it was tiny and she was... fluffy. The gentleman in front of them had exactly three items. Three things of salsa which he was arguing with the cashier about. He said another store had them three for 5. My first thought was...
"Why didn't you go there then." I shut my mouth tight as sometimes my thoughts come flying out of my mouth without my knowing it. There we stood waiting for her to take care of his stupid salsa, and he just wouldn't shut up. The lady behind me groaned and I followed suit.
Now it is Wonder Woman's turn. The cashier looks at the costume the at the woman and says
"Is this for you?" Wonder Woman's husband groans and does the international wave of hands that means
"Do you have a death wish woman? NOOOO!"
Wonder Woman flies into a rage.
"Why are you saying I'm to fat to wear this? It's my size!" She yells. The husbands head is now buried in his hands. The lady behind me snorts and I hear her mumble
"It's not even my size. Is she on crack?" I turn and look at the woman who was indeed half of Wonder Woman's size and I start giggling.
I couldn't help it. She started giggling. Thankfully the lady in front of me didn't hear us. Pretty sure we would have gotten beaten down. Needless to say I stood in a line with two people in front of me each having a total between them of 4 items and it took me almost 25 minutes.
I was thankful for the commentaries from the lady behind me though. She was a God send.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
remodeling takes time and patience. Guess which one I don't have?
Where to begin? Well last week was super busy. Obviously, since I made no appearance whatsoever!
It started with us needing dressers. Meaghan and Lily didn't have anywhere to put there clothes. The new neighbors up the street just moved into a 3 bedroom from a 5 bedroom and where having a huge garage sale. They had 3 dressers for 85 bucks and the best part is they were wood. Now you may not know this about me but I love, love LOVE, sanding and staining and varnishing wood! It's relaxing to me. I had a great time working with Phil on those. We decided to give our funiture to Meaghan which was given to me by my mom over 20 years ago. It's solid wood so it will last forever, and one of the dressers to Lily and keep two of the dressers for ourselves. That being said we didn't have a bed anymore. Well we had mattresses but nothing else.
Low and behold my sister in laws sister, was selling her bed set.
I was super happy!! So we redid that and put it in our room and now we have a brand new bedroom. However, working with Tim Allen/Phil can be trying. I make suggestions, he shoots them down then we end up doing the exact thing I suggested in the first place. The bed is white with blue panels. I suggested we paint the top blue too. His response? I don't want to sleep in a circus tent. So when we finished and looked at our work what does he say?
"I think we need to paint the top blue. It doesn't look finished without it."
I didn't know if I should laugh or punch him. I just let it go.
As soon as I can find my camera I will post pictures. Then Sunday was my birthday and I turned old. I've never been old before so it was a weird feeling. I hurt all over. My throat was sore and I had a fever. This getting old things sucks.
I found out that it wasn't because I had a birthday it was because I had a sick baby in the house and she infected us all. Whew! What a relief. Because if that is what getting old feels like I decided I don't want to. I feel a little better today and that is a huge relief.
It started with us needing dressers. Meaghan and Lily didn't have anywhere to put there clothes. The new neighbors up the street just moved into a 3 bedroom from a 5 bedroom and where having a huge garage sale. They had 3 dressers for 85 bucks and the best part is they were wood. Now you may not know this about me but I love, love LOVE, sanding and staining and varnishing wood! It's relaxing to me. I had a great time working with Phil on those. We decided to give our funiture to Meaghan which was given to me by my mom over 20 years ago. It's solid wood so it will last forever, and one of the dressers to Lily and keep two of the dressers for ourselves. That being said we didn't have a bed anymore. Well we had mattresses but nothing else.
Low and behold my sister in laws sister, was selling her bed set.
I was super happy!! So we redid that and put it in our room and now we have a brand new bedroom. However, working with Tim Allen/Phil can be trying. I make suggestions, he shoots them down then we end up doing the exact thing I suggested in the first place. The bed is white with blue panels. I suggested we paint the top blue too. His response? I don't want to sleep in a circus tent. So when we finished and looked at our work what does he say?
"I think we need to paint the top blue. It doesn't look finished without it."
I didn't know if I should laugh or punch him. I just let it go.
As soon as I can find my camera I will post pictures. Then Sunday was my birthday and I turned old. I've never been old before so it was a weird feeling. I hurt all over. My throat was sore and I had a fever. This getting old things sucks.
I found out that it wasn't because I had a birthday it was because I had a sick baby in the house and she infected us all. Whew! What a relief. Because if that is what getting old feels like I decided I don't want to. I feel a little better today and that is a huge relief.
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